we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
