he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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