You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
