I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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