who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
