He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
