Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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