Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
