escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
