bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
