i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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