There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
