Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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