Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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