yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
