i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
