I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
