dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you traded sex for a burrito?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
