How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
