do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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