i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
