"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
