dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize