I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
