i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
