Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
