I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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