Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
