I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
