Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
