I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My ass is underappreciated
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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