Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
