It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
