last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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