Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
