i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think my mom watched the whole time
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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