I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
