my vag is so smooth its legendary
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
