Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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