I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
