I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i've created a new STD.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
