just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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