Yo dont text me then not text me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
