Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
