i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
