I must be too annoying 4 u.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
