my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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