I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
