My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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