no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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