Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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