woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
