I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
