Where did you get a picture of my penis
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize