Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize