Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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