ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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