the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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