let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm always down for nudity.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
