I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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