Do you still have your period?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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