She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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