He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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