Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
