took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize