We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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