he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
